When Males are Passive and Females are Aggressive

We know that males who are aggressive and females who are passive are more accepted in our culture. I couldn't help but wonder when it was acceptable for males to be passive and females to be aggressive. In some cases, I found that it is less taboo for a male to be passive when there is a birth or a death. More specifically, when a male's child is born, it is, although not expected, but O.K for them to feel so much joy that they tear up or feel immense happiness. It's the same with a death. When a male loses someone close to them or someone they knew, it is O.K to feel saddness. On the contrary to that, males are not respected as much if they cry because they are supposed to be strong and "manly." Also, in relationships with other males, especially close friends and in adolescence, competition between male peers is fine, but when there is a disagreement, males would rather laugh it off or move on from it. In cases of violence, such as fighting, this is acceptable to do. Males who are passive in romantic relationships are viewed as "charming" and a "helpless romantic." This can be tied with being passive because by acting this way toward their girlfriend or wife, they are thinking about other people and making generally calm, in sense, gestures. It is the same with their mother's. Males who are respectful and kind to their mother's are viewed as "loving" and "kind."



When a female is aggressive, she has to  be selective of when she displays those characteristics. In the media, women who are sexually aggressive are the more desirable women. In the movie "American Beauty," Kevin Spacey plays the father of Thora Birch who has a close friend played by Annette Bening. Anneette Bening, playing a high school aged girl is sexually attracted to Kevin Spacey's character. Although he is aware of the age difference, the fact that she is his daughter's friend and that he is married, he eventually begins to view Annette Bening as sexually attractive. This example is evident because she uses her sexuality to lure him in.



Females are also commended for their aggression in our culture when they are competing against other females. Whether it is in sports, for a better grade, with attention or to look more aesthetically pleasing to the opposite sex, females who are aggressive against other females is more acceptable than if they were competing with males. Much of this behavior in females is adopted from what they see on television or in movies. "Mirroring" these action, like mentioned in "The Role or positive and negative affect in the 'mirroring' of other person's actions," has it's benefits when the actions are positive, but are detrimental if they are negative. When this is all that is portrayed in the media, females are going to believe that these are the things they should be doing, as is the same for any message in the media (Cognitive and Emotion, 0269-9931, Psychology Press, United Kingdom).

Females are also supposed to be aggressive when it comes to their children. Not only are they supposed to be nurturng and loving all the time, they are also supposed to be the stern ones, as well as always being there for them to support, guide and repremand them.

Aggression and Anger: Male Dominated Characteristics

As children, boys are taught to be aggressive. They are encouraged to participate in contact sports, making competition a priority in their lives. Young boys’ parents, peers, and teachers all play a role in this encouragement. They were constantly reminded that weaknesses consist of failure and any other emotion besides anger. Emotions like sadness, empathy, and passivity have feminine attributes resulting with negative connotations as expressed in chapter eight. When a male of any age does something that isn’t deemed “rugged” or “masculine,” it is automatically viewed as a “girly” or “feminine” characteristic. This causes ridicule, embarrassment and harassment from their peers and male role models, mostly, by being called hurtful names and being compared to girls (because girls are considered weak).

From this type of upbringing, boys are more likely to bring aggression into many, if not all, of their relationships. Males who have this understanding about what it means to be a "real man," begin to have this mindset that they are “number one” and are the more powerful gender because they don’t obtain “weak” characteristics. "Social group norms, school norms, and children's aggressive intentions," an academic journal written by Christian Nipedal, Drew Nesdale, and Melanie Killen, discusses the connection between aggression and what are deemed as "school norms." I found this particular journal of relevance to this blog because it also references whether or not these instances of aggression are deliberate or subconcious. There was also discussion about levels of aggression found in males vs. females. I found that aggression, although found in both male and female children in school, are noted to be expressed in different situations. Boys are more likely to be aggressive when there's a competition with other boys, a power struggle between peers and teachers, and when they feel that they're being compared to femanine characteristics. Most of the journal focused primarily on how these types of norms are developed and ways in which they are presented to children in the academic atmostphere (Aggressive Behavior, May/Jun2010, Vol. 36 Issue 3, p195-204, 10p).

Aggression in Relationships

Within this particular blog, I wanted to point on the differences between "aggression" and "passivity" within relationships. When it comes to relationships, men encourage other men to be aggressive in the relationship. Of course, I am not suggesting that men are trying to be violently aggressive, but just the idea of being in control and having the final say in a relationship is expected of a man. When a male is passive in a relationship, he is considered less than a "real man" and it is then suggested that the woman is the one with the "upper hand," which isn't the case in a lot of situations. There so happens to be relationships where there is not a power struggle based on gender, but it's hard to grasp in a patriarchal society!

Women who are "aggressive" in relationships are labeled as "domineering" or another term used to describe a man who is "under the conrtol" of a woman is being "pussy-whipped."  Women who are "passive" on the other hand, are the right fit for a relationship with a man. A lot of the time throughout history, women who have stood their ground and displayed "aggressive" behavior by voicing their opinions, have been punished in multiple ways. It is also a point to be made that throughout history, there has always been this double standard. My question is, where did these ideas derive from? My research has concluded that much of these ideologies recently come from our media, peers, and upbringing. With the media, we are shown what aggression and passivity should look like and who should obtain such personality traits. The media also depicts different types of dating relationships should look like (Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment, and Trauma). As far as life prior to the media, I can only make some educated guesses as to where these gender directed personality traits derived from (e.i. the Bible, Sigmund Frued, etc). It is even evident in movies and television shows that males and females should look and act a certain way in order to date. For example, the cheerleader and the football star is an ideal couple. Why? Why is this so ideal to the high school population?

The best examples I can think of that proves this double standard that men can't be passive because of negative connotations and women can't be aggressive because of their demeaning stereotypes is in fact within relationships. A few famous relationships that had an aggressive male character and a passive female character that we have seen within our media are some couples like Romeo and Juliet and Sleeping Beauty and the Prince(the fighter and Damsel in Distress examples). Also, more recent famous couple would be Jesse James and Sandra Bullock. It is easy to look at people and characters like this growing up and even in our adult lives and either conciously or unconsiously see the way that relationships should be depicted. Women, like Juliet and Sleeping Beauty were passive, accepting, and honorable to their man. Men, like Romeo and the Prince were tough, strong, determined, and violently aggressive to get what they wanted.

Of course with these examples, we only see the side of the story that is displayed for our viewing. Little do we know, there could be violence toward a significant other, the Prince could cry himself to sleep, and Romeo could have knitted in his free time. (I do understand that these are just characters, but it's the wondering of the other side of the story that is most intriguing.) With aggression comes a lot of questions because it's something that is only culturally accepted when it has to do with a male and power. Women being passive is culturally exceptable because it is the man's job to do all the tough, rugged work where it is the woman's duty to do as she is told. Right?

Reference:
Connolly, Friedlander, Peplar, Craig, and Laporte (2010). The Ecology of Adolecent Dating Aggression: Attitudes, Media Use and Socio-Demographic Risk Factors. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment and Trauma Vol. 19, issue 5, p469-491, 23p

Why so gender specific?

Throughout western Europe and our culture's history, it has always been a given that boys and men were meant to be the aggressive ones; the hunters, providers, and the fighters. They have been taught to be the stern, powerful and "always right." Women on the other hand, have always been the ones to just do as their told. Considering these two cultures happen to be patriarchal ones, despite where we are today in comparison to the way things were centuries ago, we can all agree that we generally live in a Caucasian, white male society. So, when you stop to think about it, why can't we all agree that regardless of gender, why is it more or less "taboo" for females to be more aggressive and males to be more passive? This is where my main focus for these blogs is going to be placed; passive and aggressive behavior and who's "supposed" to be be what in our culture. I am also going to see whether or not I am biased.

These gender specific depictions of how little boys and little girls should be starts as yearly as once the child is born. From the baby being wrapped in a blue blanket or a pink blanket, from pet names like "buddy" or "baby doll," from G.I. Joe action figures to Cabbage Patch Dolls, from certain dress like skirts and khakis, from climbing trees to planting gardens, and from assumed behavior depending on gender and the expectations of the way these girls and boys are meant to act. Drained just thinking about it? More so in our cultures' past have these stereotypes been so cut and dry, but even today if you stop to think about your own upbringing, you can see the direction in which you were being sent. Personally, I was a "Tom-boy," yet my mother would make me wear dresses on holidays and the first day of school. I had the Barbie-dolls, Pretty Pretty Princess board games, and pile of bows and ribbons that you could lose a small child in. But on the other hand, I was riding bikes with the boys in the neighborhood, trekking through the woods to find slugs and snakes, and skinning my knees and getting callouses on my hands. Was I supposed to be doing this? Did the other parents think of me as too aggressive than a young lady should have been? At ten, these questions didn't even come to mind, but looking back on it eleven years later, I can only imagine.

To be aggressive, you could define it as masculine. You could also associate it with certain types of applied behavior, like in a workplace, with driving, or even personality traits and emotions like anger, for example. Aggression is also power-based behavior. The desire to be number one, to finish first, or to prove a point usually comes with the derived emotion of aggression. So with this laid out for us, is it safe to say that women can be aggressive, or does that thought make people a little uneasy?

To be passive, you could define it as predominately feminine. To be passive, you have to be laid back and willing to be walked all over in some situations. The passive person generally likes to avoid  negative environments and prefers calmer settings. Another way to look at it would be the "peace and love" kind of group. Why is it then, that when a man is deemed "passive," that he is also considered less masculine?

I am going to dig deeper into the world of these gender based stereotypes of passivity and aggression and explain the ways in which these labels effect our relationships, careers, and culture. As our world is changing with more diverse political views, freedom and equality movements, and personally equipped beliefs, it would only be true to say that gender stereotypes are changing too, right?