Aggression in Relationships

Within this particular blog, I wanted to point on the differences between "aggression" and "passivity" within relationships. When it comes to relationships, men encourage other men to be aggressive in the relationship. Of course, I am not suggesting that men are trying to be violently aggressive, but just the idea of being in control and having the final say in a relationship is expected of a man. When a male is passive in a relationship, he is considered less than a "real man" and it is then suggested that the woman is the one with the "upper hand," which isn't the case in a lot of situations. There so happens to be relationships where there is not a power struggle based on gender, but it's hard to grasp in a patriarchal society!

Women who are "aggressive" in relationships are labeled as "domineering" or another term used to describe a man who is "under the conrtol" of a woman is being "pussy-whipped."  Women who are "passive" on the other hand, are the right fit for a relationship with a man. A lot of the time throughout history, women who have stood their ground and displayed "aggressive" behavior by voicing their opinions, have been punished in multiple ways. It is also a point to be made that throughout history, there has always been this double standard. My question is, where did these ideas derive from? My research has concluded that much of these ideologies recently come from our media, peers, and upbringing. With the media, we are shown what aggression and passivity should look like and who should obtain such personality traits. The media also depicts different types of dating relationships should look like (Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment, and Trauma). As far as life prior to the media, I can only make some educated guesses as to where these gender directed personality traits derived from (e.i. the Bible, Sigmund Frued, etc). It is even evident in movies and television shows that males and females should look and act a certain way in order to date. For example, the cheerleader and the football star is an ideal couple. Why? Why is this so ideal to the high school population?

The best examples I can think of that proves this double standard that men can't be passive because of negative connotations and women can't be aggressive because of their demeaning stereotypes is in fact within relationships. A few famous relationships that had an aggressive male character and a passive female character that we have seen within our media are some couples like Romeo and Juliet and Sleeping Beauty and the Prince(the fighter and Damsel in Distress examples). Also, more recent famous couple would be Jesse James and Sandra Bullock. It is easy to look at people and characters like this growing up and even in our adult lives and either conciously or unconsiously see the way that relationships should be depicted. Women, like Juliet and Sleeping Beauty were passive, accepting, and honorable to their man. Men, like Romeo and the Prince were tough, strong, determined, and violently aggressive to get what they wanted.

Of course with these examples, we only see the side of the story that is displayed for our viewing. Little do we know, there could be violence toward a significant other, the Prince could cry himself to sleep, and Romeo could have knitted in his free time. (I do understand that these are just characters, but it's the wondering of the other side of the story that is most intriguing.) With aggression comes a lot of questions because it's something that is only culturally accepted when it has to do with a male and power. Women being passive is culturally exceptable because it is the man's job to do all the tough, rugged work where it is the woman's duty to do as she is told. Right?

Reference:
Connolly, Friedlander, Peplar, Craig, and Laporte (2010). The Ecology of Adolecent Dating Aggression: Attitudes, Media Use and Socio-Demographic Risk Factors. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment and Trauma Vol. 19, issue 5, p469-491, 23p